Past.... Present... Future

As I'm reading the book "The Intentional Woman" I am reminded of my past.  I don't really care for going back into my past, unless I know there is something else to be learned from what I've gone through.  Some people would say that my past wasn't hard and that I should be able to get over it easily.  Others would say that my past was excruciatingly difficult and they don't understand how I got through.  I know this because people who have heard bits and pieces of my story have said these things to me.  I have come to the conclusion that it doesn't really matter what others think about my past and what I've gone through.  It only matters how I take it and who I become in spite of and because of those things, good and bad.

I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that I didn't take the events of my life very well.  I had a bad attitude about most of it for a really long period of time.  I was unforgiving and bitter.  I didn't want to be different.  I felt like this is who I am and if anybody had a problem with it then too bad.  I realize now that my heart was broken and I needed it to be healed.  I needed to forgive people so that I could move on with my life.  I was able to, after a lot of soul searching and prayer, have been able to do that.

I totally believe that ALL, every single second of my life up to this point, has made me into the person that I am today; the mother, the wife, the daughter, the child of God, the friend all of the facets of who I am.  I know that I can make it through in every aspect of my life because I've already made it through so much.  I don't regret any choices that I've made, good or bad, because I've learned so much from each decision.  I have had to pay consequences that really BITE, that I never thought would come out of my foolish actions.  But TODAY as of right now I am content knowing that I've grown into the person that I am supposed to be RIGHT NOW.

I haven't dwelt a lot on the future.  I know that God has a plan for me in my future but it's not something that consumes my thoughts because I don't really know what it holds, and because some days, being a mom of three darling but energetic little girls, I don't know exactly how I'm going to get through the day, let alone tomorrow.  Recently, however, I have been thinking a little bit more about the future.  I am being pulled in that direction.  Realizing that I am living the dream that I've always had, teaching, I also am aware that my students won't be in school forever.  I am teaching the three most incredible, intelligent, wonderful girls on the face of this planet.  Okay so I'm a little biased since they are my own.  At some point they are going to graduate high school, sooner than I know, and I will have completely fulfilled an incredible dream.  I have been feeling the pull to find something more.  Not that my children, husband, and friends aren't enough, I just have this drawing to even more for my life.  I don't really know what it is.  I don't really understand what I am going to do next.  So, I'm going to wait on the Lord to reveal it to me.  But while I'm waiting I'm going to start trying new things.  I'm going to start really seeing where my talents lie.  I told a friend that I would really like to paint.  She asked why I wasn't trying it then and I said that I wasn't good at it and she asked how do I know I'm bad.  Well, I've never tried it so I don't really know, I just don't think I would be.  She said that I should give it a try.  So that's what I'm going to do.  Not just with painting but with a lot of other ideas that I have too.

I want my girls to be able to look at their mom and get inspiration.  Not the feeling that Mommy is just "stuck at home with kids" but that this is where I want to be, no that I LOVE being, BUT that I try new, different, uncomfortable things so that I can figure out the "what next?".  I want my children to DREAM, to think big, to know that God has GINORMOUS things for them and that they have to figure out what He has for them.  I believe that my past and my present don't define my future, they help it and grow me, but they don't define it.  What I start to DREAM and what I do with those God-given dreams is what defines my future.  I want my girls to KNOW that.

The only thing that this post has to do with the book is that I am going to start living intentionally.  I want to start dreaming!  I want to start something new!  I love the quote our pastor says sometimes.  "Everyone ends up somewhere.  Few end up somewhere on purpose."  I want to purposefully live!  I want to END UP where I do ON PURPOSE!  So raise your glasses with me if you are daring enough, and let's step out together, and make a commitment.  A toast to DREAMS, to DREAMING, to LIVING a life of PURPOSE, to doing things that not only make us happy but that bring GLORY and HONOR to God!