Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Adoption Wants More Of Me

I feel like sometimes that this adoption process wants to take ALL of me! Like I am going to be on this never-ending process an I'll just be stuck here forever. One thing after another happens; we've had mishap after mishap. We've also had some awesome times as well but along with those times there has always been something that comes with it. Always something to try and come and steel my joy.

Here's where I'm at right now. We have found out that some more roadblocks have been thrown on the path that is our adoption. I have been weepy and cry-y all day. I am upset, frustrated, confused and not very fun to be around today. Then I picked up the book by Christine Caine called Undaunted. Wow!! I was reading in there today and was reminded how to get through these most trying times. Joy isn't happiness. Happiness is caused because of circumstances and it's okay that I'm not particularly happy about my circumstances. But I can't allow my circumstances to steal the joy the Lord always has for me! Joy comes despite my circumstances. Joy is knowing that God is good throughout and despite my circumstances. And that joy gives me strength. The joy in knowing that my Father is for me and not against me. That His plans for me are to prosper me and not to harm me. That what I feel is a test is just a lesson so that I can get through the next phase of life in abundance instead of hanging by a thread.

So here I sit, still weepy and sad that more crappola has been thrown at us, knowing that deep down I have joy. My joy comes from KNOWING that God is walking through this storm right beside me. His right hand is holding me up and giving me strength. Not just enough strength to barely get me through the situation but, if I ask Him for it, He will give me abundant strength to SOAR above my situation.

Adoption Funness (is that a word?)

I am sitting here on my couch, I should be teaching my kids since it's a home school day, but it's raining out and I'm in slow-mo mode. I'm going through pictures and realizing how much my kids have grown up, and then I came across a couple pics of me and I realized how much I had grown up.

We have been in the adoption process for 3 1/2 years now. We are adopting sisters ages 12 and 13. We never planned on adopting teenagers, when we started this process they were 9 and 10. But now everything has changed. I think of those ages and wonder first of all what am I going to do with teenagers.  I'm not ready for teenagers yet! And then I think about some of the hormonal challenges my 8 and 10 year old girls are facing, thank God the 6 year old hasn't hit that stage yet, although she has other things she likes to test me with.

Throughout these last 3 1/2 years I've screamed, cried, lost hope, given up, been excited, felt like I was on cloud 9 a couple of times, etc. It has been CRAZY!! And now we see light at the end of the tunnel. Like maybe this road may have an ending to it.

While we were praying for our girls to come home soon the other day my wonderful husband prays "Lord, we know that this is not really the end but just the beginning". What!? Just the beginning? We have waited 3 1/3 LONG years, when they get here it better be a piece of cake, and make mine red velvet please, with cream cheese icing. I kind of looked at him funny and he said "what? You know it's true". And I do know, I just didn't want it to be said out loud.

So I guess that's not the right thing to say if I'm trying to say I've grown up. These last few years Micah and I have had to do some serious growing and stretching and lengthening. I feel like I've been on a taffy puller! But the patience and perseverance that we've learned is undeniable. We know now how weak and fragile we really are. We know how easily swayed we can be if not firmly grounded in the truth. We've realized that in ALL things to find strength in God first is easier than trying to do it by yourself for so long that you are so tired you have no other choice than to give it to God.

These last 3 1/2 years have been a very hard test, but as we near the end of this journey and start the next one I'm realizing that it wasn't a test but more of a lesson in how to handle the next phase of our lives. Teaching on how to ALWAYS rely on the Lord, even in the celebrations, remembering who got you through. His truths will be the rock I build my hopes on!